im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
