No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
