you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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