His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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