bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
