just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize