Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
