This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUCK WHALES
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
