found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
