I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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