So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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