It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
