Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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