just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
