i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize