There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
