I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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