maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
