Ambien. No doubt about it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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