just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is Oprah even human
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