I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
