can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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