he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
