i jhust puked up my retainher.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
