Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
