george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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