God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
