So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize