So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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