And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
