I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the high leading the old right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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