I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize