Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
