I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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