Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
