what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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