Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you still have your period?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
