You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
