The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
