I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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