I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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