Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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