Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
