I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
