Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
