at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize