put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
