Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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