If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
