Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
