i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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