I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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