Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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