He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
