They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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