I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
