They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
