I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
