I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
