We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
