Can Purell be used as lube?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
