I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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