btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize