she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
