Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
