The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
